Dear Family and friends,
I forgot what it felt like to give my all. I didn’t know that I had forgotten, but I had. Somewhere in the past 6 months I stopped giving everything I had into my mission. I was still doing missionary things, still teaching the Gospel, and still seeing blessings and converstion and feeling joy, but something was missing. What I felt this past week, what I felt in its fulness last night at 6:00 pm as we headed out to work, what I felt as we watched our prayers answered… I have not felt in quite some time. It feels incredible. I remember it now. I had forgotten.
Last night about 6:00 we knelt in prayer. It was my turn to pray. That prayer was different. I knew what I wanted when I knelt. I already felt it. We had three hours on a cold Sunday night without any real plans, but I felt in my heart what had been building since our interviews with our mission president a little over a week ago. It was a spiritual excitement, more than a hope–a knowledge, that the Lord would use us as his hands and feet. There was no question as to whether we would have the courage to talk to people, there wasn’t even an agreement to do so, we just felt it. A love for the work and a love for life and our calling. We just went out to be the Lord’s missionaries. We prayed in faith to be led to a family who had been prepared, and then we went.
Around 8:00pm, after a handful of positive interactions, and a few prayers for guidance, we felt to walk down a street we had tracted previously, around this same time of night. At 8pm, our criteria for knocking on a house is lights on inside and outside, unless otherwise prompted, and so we went. The first three with lights on were doors we had knocked previously with no response. Tonight, all came to the door, and all kindly dismissed us. We crossed the street to knock on a happy looking, well-lit home. When he came to the door, he said he didn’t even hear us knock, but as he passed the window he noticed white shirts and ties on his doorstep. He stood with us for a moment and then invited us in. It was a beautiful experience that followed. We learned that his family had been friends with a member family who moved out of our area a few years ago. We learned that on numerous occasions that member family had shared gospel testimonies and experiences with this man and his family. We learned that he had read from the Book of Mormon previously, and as we testified of its power when it is read with the intent to know if it is God’s word, he committed to read it again. We saw love and peace and a desire for the Gospel within the walls of that home. As we walked home last night, we basked in the joy of living the Gospel and fulfilling our calling.
I know this is the work of the Lord, Jesus Christ. I know that our God lives and loves us, and that He has our eternal happiness as His greatest desire. I know that I have been called by a living prophet of God, and commissioned to teach the Gospel of Jesus Christ for such a short time. I hope never again to forget that. I love this Gospel and the light that it brings into the hearts and homes and lives of those who faithfully live its teachings. I love my Savior, and I love my Father in Heaven. I know they live.
I was told by my former mission President that this missionary service is supposed to create a barrier between our past selves and our new lives. These are two years for us to forget who we were, to become new creatures, to be built through obedience and sacrifice into men and women who will serve the Lord with all our heart, might, mind, and strength until the end.
So, I’m not giving up, and I am getting back to where I was, and moving on to where the Lord needs me to be.
This is Christ’s church. I promise it.
I love you so all so much, and pray for you daily. Thank you for everything. =)