Yesterday I was leaving to go to Vann’s house around 4pm. As I knelt to pray, I felt a pressing feeling like I should go to the temple. So, I did. I had some family names from LaDawn who needed initiatory work done, so I decided to start there. Last time I went, I felt pretty anxious throughout the initiatory, so I was grateful this time to find that I felt better about it all. I really enjoyed it. When I reached the last name, it stood out to me. Floyd Jenkins. I decided when I finished that I would also go through an endowment session. I decided to take Floyd Jenkins through.
It was a great session. I think what added to it was that I knew I hadn’t come just because I wanted to. I had felt compelled to come. It added a little urgency to focus and to pray and really pay attention for answers and communication from heaven. Doing this resulted in a very special experience. I noticed a few things I hadn’t before. Most of all, though, I felt like I was where I needed to be, and that I was in the presence of my Father. When I arrived in the Celestial room, it felt like home again.
I thought that was the end of this story.
When I woke up today, I saw the news about the Supreme Court decision. I didn’t read much about it, but the little that I saw as I glanced through my Facebook feed left a feeling of weight on my heart and mind. I prepared myself for my morning studies, ate a little, and then knelt to pray. I prayed my feelings out to the Lord. I told him I felt an urgency, like I needed to really focus on preparing myself for all that is coming. As I prayed, there was one place I wanted to go. The temple.
So I went. I felt an urgency in that as well, for which I am grateful, as it got me there just in time for the 12:15 endowment session. This one was an odd contrast from my session yesterday. It was easier to pray and focus my heart and soul, perhaps because I really had a need today. My question was my own. As a result, I felt like the endowment went by very quickly.
As I sat in the celestial room, again I felt very strongly a sense of peace, and felt like I was home. Between yesterday and today, I received very strong direction regarding what I need to be doing right now.
Since returning home from my mission, I’ve felt a great draw toward finding a companion. It’s probably partially because of loneliness, and partially because of hope for the future and a desire to move forward in my life. I’ve struggled a lot with the trials of dating, and it has really been a source of anxiety and stress since returning home. What I experienced today was an odd mixture of feeling the importance of finding a companion, and understanding the greater need to focus on preparing myself.
More than at any other time since returning home, I feel like right now I am prepared to hear and follow that instruction.
I have so much to do, so much to become, and time is a precious commodity. I have so many goals and dreams! And the Lord has blessed me with so many talents that I want to develop. So I’m building routines to work practice and study and training into my days, and I’m having an amazing time of it. But the message today was clear, and was a culmination of yesterday’s impressions: it’s time to get serious, Ben. There isn’t time anymore to be too tired to get out of bed, or too distracted to write that essay right now, or “not really feeling” studying the scriptures, or too enamored to leave the girl and go home so you can go to bed on time. It’s time to buckle down and get serious about becoming who I am meant to be, who I WANT to be. As for the companion, she’ll be there when you’re ready.
So I’m gonna get serious. And I’m gonna make mistakes, but I made promises today and yesterday, and as long as I remember promises, I do my very best to live according to them. So here’s me remembering my promise:
I promised that I would make the healthy and wise and prudent choice. Whenever the natural man was drawn to the easier and better-feeling option, I would choose the higher road. I promised that I would do everything in my power to be successful, in life and education and career and the Gospel.
There are so many good things ahead 🙂
I am so grateful for this Gospel. For the perspective I have, and the connection I have with heaven, which allows me to have experiences like this. I would be alone without them, seriously! No, autocorrect! I said slime, not alone! I would be slime! I would have wasted away to nothing and been a completely worthless ball of ambitionless slime were it not for a loving Father in Heaven, a perfect Savior, and an infinite, all-encompassing atonement. They see in me what I never believed about myself, not until I heard it from them. And because of the atonement, I can get there. I’m GONNA get there!
So here’s me getting there. 😉